Utah Drivers

For those of you who don't live in Utah: Consider yourselves lucky. Every day is a fight to survive here. It's crazy out on the streets. I'm not talking about gangs or drugs or prostitution. Nope, Utah has worse problems...namely, ITS DRIVERS.
Case Study #1: A couple weeks ago, I was coming home from school and the car in front of me was crawling along at 20 mph. 15 slower than the speed limit. I gave the driver a little slack--the car was, after all, a Buick, so there was no way the person behind the wheel wasn't a member of AARP. Sure enough, as I switched lanes and pulled out in front of it, I saw that the driver was indeed a hunched-over grandma sporting those just-got-back-from-the-optometrist shades and a handicapped pass on her rearview mirror.

Oh, and she was FLOSSING HER TEETH.
Case Study #2: Yesterday, my husband almost rear-ended somebody. This was, however, no fault of his own, seeing as how the driver had slowed to a stop AT A GREEN LIGHT.
Case Study #3: We live in a townhome at the base of the Uinta Mountains. Quail are a common sight in our area. As I was driving to school today, I saw two little quail scurry across the road ahead. I watched in horror as the driver in front of me skidded to a halt so as to avoid them (almost causing me to rear-end him in the process)--AND STILL ENDED UP RUNNING OVER ONE OF THEM. Seriously, had this guy never played Mario Kart??