Marital Issues

People, Brock and I have issues.

Yes, issues. That uncomfortable word which, when used in reference to married couples, conjures up images of lawyers, a stint on "Maury", and a one-year trip across Italy, India, and Indonesia for a jaded girl to--well, I digress. Brock and I don't have those issues. No, no, no. Ours are much more superficial and far less exciting.

One of them is the fact that my brain has been short-circuiting recently. Ever heard of Halfheimers? Yeah, I totally have that. Aside from losing my camera a month ago, I lost my beloved Nalgene bottle on campus last week. Weird--because I'm normally not a person who loses track of things. Anyway, today I went to the Marriott Center box office to buy tickets to a basketball game, only to discover that my wallet was gone. I figured I'd just left it on the counter at home, so I rushed home to get it before my next class.

It wasn't there.

On the way back to the school, I mentally retraced my steps from yesterday and decided I probably left it in the SWKT. By the time I got back to campus it was about 9:45 and there was no parking anywhere. I parked at the Provo Library and started hauling to the JKB (where my class was). I hauled so fast that I even had time to stop by the SWKT and check the lost and found there--no bones.

Now I was really stressed out. My wallet wasn't anywhere that I thought it would be. I decided to check the BYU Lost and Found, even though I was sure it wouldn't be there (it usually takes at least a few days for items to be turned in). Lucky for me, THEY HAD IT! AND MY NALGENE!! I was ecstatic and probably scared the poor employee working there with my fist-pumping and cheering.

But then I realized all my cash was missing.

Not to worry! She told me that BYU Lost and Found turns any large sums of cash in to another office, which was a few floors up. So I ran up there, got my $50, and was so happy to have this entire ordeal over with that I went and got myself a donut at Sugar and Spice.

After that I headed back up to the Marriott Center box office to buy those tickets. As I left, I noticed that my hands were feeling strangely empty.

My laptop was gone.

I couldn't believe it. I returned to the box office--nothing. Had I set it down at Sugar and Spice? I ran alllll the way back down to the Wilk--nothing. My blood pressure started rising. How does a person lose a camera, a wallet, and a laptop all in the same month??? The three most monetarily valuable items I freaking own!!

I sat down on a small hill, exasperated. On a whim, I called the BYU Lost and Found to see if my laptop had been turned in during the past twenty minutes.

It had.

While I was overjoyed to hear this, it was also beyond embarrassing to have to show my face at the Lost and Found for the second time that hour to pick up a laptop, after I'd just picked up my wallet. "Oh hey . . . weren't you just in here to pick up your wallet and Nalgene? . . . and now you need your? . . ."

Yes, Miss Lost and Found Lady. I AM THAT DUMB.

***

My horrible memory is just one of the issues that has been plaguing our marriage lately.

Brock has his own problems.

(Just so you all know, I've gotten permission from Brock to share this story because it is so freaking funny and neither of us can stop laughing about it.)

Today, Brock woke up at around 6:00am thinking "Man, I really have to pee." But he didn't want to get up and walk four feet to the bathroom, so he stayed in bed.

After putting on my makeup this morning, I walked into our room to get dressed. The sheets were off the bed. Weird, I thought. We just barely washed them on Saturday.

Brock approached me sheepishly. "Wanna know something funny?"

"What?"

"I wet the bed last night."

I stared at him, confused.

"I WET THE BED LAST NIGHT."

After denying himself a potty break at 6:00am, Brock--who turns 26 next month, mind you--had a dream about going to the bathroom. And then he woke up . . . going to the bathroom . . . in bed . . .

***

Some married couples have fidelity issues. Money issues. Bedroom issues. Irreconcilable differences. Us? I have the memory of a 90-year old woman, and my husband has the bladder of a 90-year old man.

***

All things considered, I think we're doing okay.