Family Pictures


The whole family went down to Denver yesterday for our annual hajj--a trip to Sandy Puc's studio for family portraits. (Quick plug for Sandy: She's a miracle worker. Figuratively and literally.) If you've ever been to my parents' home in Fort Collins, you probably know that family pictures are a big freaking deal around here. Our house is pretty much a shrine. To ourselves.

Half the time we take family photos, it's so impossible to get a decent one (you try making nine people look good simultaneously) that we just end up buying the print of our goofy picture.

There is a reason why most families only have two, maybe three professional portraits taken, ever. BECAUSE THEY ARETORTURE. It is a pain to waste a Saturday with a photographer, find a location, shop for coordinating outfits, make sure everybody looks perfect, endure awkward, uncomfortable poses and countless "SHUT UP AND SMILE"s (sometimes from your mother, sometimes from the photographer) for a solid forty-five minutes, only to have none of the pictures turn out. Why would any reasonable person want to do this to themselves? To their children? 

But if family pictures are torture, then sign my mom up for al-Qaeda. For as long as I can remember, she's been insistent on taking a yearly professional family portrait. If anything, these make for great stories. Like that one time before family pictures when my mom was getting ready and accidentally put super glue in her eye (thinking it was a small bottle of eye drops). Or when I didn't take a shower before family pictures and had greasy hair in almost ALL of them (for the record: I was 17...old enough to know better). And then, of course, there was the fiasco of 1999--wherein my dad relinquished his mancard for eternity.

(Luckily, you don't need a mancard to be an angel in heaven.)


  1. Love it :) My mom loves family pictures too!! We are due for a big family picture at Christmas time when my brother gets home from his mission! We too, had to take one every year... sometimes I look back and wonder why I'm dressed that way, and my mom would say that I chose my outfit... yeeeeah great, I thought stripes and pokadots went together :) And poor Jared... will probably have to endure his share of family pictures too, because let's face it... we have a photographer friend, and by the age of 10 months we had family pictures taken twice hahaha!

  2. Um - anyone?

  3. The Gods are on my side. I have seen all 5 Rocky. balboa movies and Terminator 1,2 and 3.

  4. *at Al-Qaeda hq* Let's see here, we've got the thumb screws, the suicide vests, the flogging...Ah! here we go! Family picture taking...Mwahahaha!

  5. this is probably the funniest thing I've ever read in my life.


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