Hot Tubs Are Not Necessarily Conducive to Romantic Encounters

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My family is in Park City right now. I was just talking to my dad on the phone--he was with my younger siblings, about to take them on the alpine slide. For whatever reason, this triggered a memory . . .

Cue the squiggly visual effect and harp running up and down the scales.

"KRISTI!"

My little sister burst into our hotel room. Her toothless eight-year old smile spread across her face as she panted heavily from having sprinted down the hallway.

"What?! Is something wrong?!"

"NO! MOM AND DAD WERE JUST DOWN AT THE HOT TUB AND THERE'S A BOY!"

Enter dad.

"Kristi. There's this guy down at the hot tub right now who's about eighteen years old, and he's awesome. Good-looking, funny, Eagle Scout, the whole nine yards. You should go meet him!"

I was sixteen and hadn't had much success with boys. Probably because at the time I was physically indistinguishable from a male. Anyway. The point is that my entire family had just burst into the hotel room--INTERRUPTING MY DISNEY CHANNEL ORIGINAL MOVIE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH--telling me to go down to the pool to meet my future husband.

I nervously took the elevator downstairs to go meet this mystery boy. To my dismay, he was not nearly as attractive my matchmaking parents had made him out to be.

"Hi, I'm Kristi. I think you just met my parents?"

"Oh yeah. Hey."

I don't know what moves he'd put on my mom and dad into order to meet their potentially-attractive daughter, but they were certainly gone as soon as he saw me. This guy was the douche of all douches. To put things in perspective, I can predict with 94% accuracy what he is currently up to: UVU student (hoping to transfer next semester...), lives at Gold's Gym, summer sales recruiter, majoring in language-spoken-on-mission/exercise science/entrepreneurship, and makes out with a new hair school girl every weekend if he manages to pull himself away from the Xbox (although once accomplished both tasks simultaneously).

His fate in the Douchebag Hall of Fame was sealed when he asked: "Sooo. Are any of your friends hot?"

***

Little did I know that only a few years later, I'd be in Park City on Valentine's Day with an infinitely more attractive man who would surprise me that night with something I'd seen on vacation a few months earlier, but hadn't bought because of the price.



And yes, I do have hot friends. EAT IT, HOT TUB GUY.

5 COMMENTS:

  1. We call those type of people APX guys... and they all have to drive a fancy sports car or a really big truck. And they definitely have a look, we use to be able to spot them super fast while working at the library.

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  2. Alright, that was an awesome post! Way to go Brock- the ring is legit!

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  3. I work at an event center where a lot of security companies have their banquets for business meetings. The summer sales boys are some of my least favorite customers ever.
    walking into a room full of them is like being sucker punched by cologne and they all think they can talk you into anything. You're probably pretty accurate about his current life situation. Doesn't it make you feel good?

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  4. haha Bon Losee girls... so right on!

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