"I Think I Have A Problem"

These are not the words you want to hear coming out of your mother on the day that your local paper runs a front-page special about meth addiction in Colorado.

"What is it, Mom?"

"Well, I went around the house writing down all the magazines I have lying around, and guess how many I subscribe to each month?"

My mom subscribes to a lot of magazines. She gets these cheap subscriptions deals and thinks Ehhh what the heck? You'd think that a woman with six children would have little time for reading, and truth be told, she doesn't. Yet in spite of that, she's very protective of them. She caught me--the family's pathological declutterer--attempting to recycle last month's Kiplinger's and Bloomberg Businessweek. "HEY!" she barked. "I HAVEN'T READ THOSE YET!"

"Um . . . nine?"

"No. Seventeen."

Yes, it's true. Every month, the following publications litter our countertops and bathrooms:

1. Money
2. The Economist
3. TIME
4. Conde Nast Traveler
5. Fortune
6. Bloomberg Businessweek
7. Martha Stewart
8. Parenting
9. More
10. Kiplinger's
11. Family Fun
12. Architectural Digest
13. National Geographic Traveler
14. Travel and Leisure
15. Reader's Digest
16. Better Homes and Gardens
17. Forbes

Capricious though my mother may be (SORRY! I READ THE WORD IN ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST. IT MEANS OUTRÈ), I can't help but admire her. She didn't finish college because I came along (HI!), but I think the above list is evidence of a woman who hungers and thirsts after knowledge. Seventeen magazines and not a single tabloid to be found? No Vanity Fair? No Cosmopolitan? No Women's Health? Not even an Oprah for crying out loud?

My mother is proof that you don't need a college degree to be highly educated. Her love of learning has greatly contributed to my family's financial security as she has taught herself how to invest and trade. Yesterday as I was reading in the basement, I heard a ding-ding-ding come from my mom's office. I looked at the clock--2:00pm--and immediately thought Oh, that must be the timer my mom has set to signal the end of the day's NYSE trading.

The fact that I even thought  that says a lot about my mom. The fact that I was right  says even more.

So what if my mom's magazine subscriptions could very well make for a hilarious post on the Stuff White People Like blog? And yeah, so what if she's working in her office listening to opera right now? She's a classy woman who knows what she likes and wants.

And right now, she wants subscriptions to The New Yorker and Monocle.

I may need to stage an intervention.