Job Fair Do's and Don'ts. Okay, Okay. Mostly Don'ts.

I've been to quite a few job fairs, ya'll. And I've seen things that you can't un-see.

For the common-senseless, may I present a guide?

LADIES

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Unless you're applying to a sketchy Craigslist job, you should not be wearing five-inch heels. I say keep it to three inches maximum, and even then I'd go with a wedge (more demure). Or play it even safer with a classy pair of ballet flats (please none of those cheap-looking ones from that Teen Shoe Superstore in the mall...oh yes, I'M JUDGING YOU AND YOUR PLASTIC ROSETTES).

Also, strappy heels? What is this, prom circa 2002? C'mon. If you haven't outgrown these yet, do.

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For those of you not  applying to a fashion house, lay off the bold lipstick. You  may know it's in-season, but who's to say your interviewer does? Remember: Demure, demure, demure! Rock those reds, corals, and hot pinks once you've nabbed the job.

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I love me some ghetto hoops. Really, I do. But WHAT'S THE WORD OF THE DAY, LADIES?! Say it with me. Demuuurrrreeeeee. Again, wear these when you're employed. Until then? Studs. Keep it simple.

You are not J. Lo.

GENTLEMEN

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Common looks like an idiot with a too-short tie. So do you. Spend ten minutes of your life at GQ's website learning how to do it properly, FOR THE LOVE.

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Square-toed shoes are disgusting. There is no debate over this. If you plan on working for the government or another sector where men have ugly shoes (I'm looking at you, engineers), then whatever. But if you plan on working in business or just generally don't want to look like an intern, plan to shell out at least  $200. Remember the three A's:  Alden. Allen-Edmonds. A. Testoni. 

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Freaking get your suit tailored. You're a big boy now. Also, notice what an idiot he looks like in the first picture with SQUARE-TOED SHOES???

OTHER AREAS OF CONCERN: 

A CHECKLIST

• Are you using the font "Impact" on your resume? 
• Are you wearing Uggs?
• Are you wearing jeggings?
• Are your fingernails grubby?
• Are you smacking gum? Or chewing it at all?
• Are you wearing a black suit with blue shoes?
• Are you any non-neutral colors? (Remember: DEMURE!!!)
• Do you have a resume on hand?
• What the? Why would you not bring a resume to A JOB FAIR???
• Oh, you do have one?
• Good.
• But you're just holding it in your hands and it's bent and crumpled?
• Seriously?
• Ever heard of a briefcase?
• A portfolio?
• A MANILA FOLDER?????