A Guilt Trip From Big Brother

I thought I would share a few gems with ya'll concerning the actual process itself of Facebook deactivation. Big Brother, er, excuse me, Facebook tries in any way possible to dissuade you from doing this.

Case #1: Big Brother asks "Are you sure you want to deactivate your account?" and then proceeds to tell you exactly who will miss you. I couldn't help but notice, however, that Big Brother selected people who represent some of my most cherished memories . . . ?!?!?

Interestingly, Big Brother does not post the actual profile pictures of these people . . . he posts pictures of you with them! A sly attempt to chisel into the subconscious, perhaps?

The people who will miss me are as follows:

1. Jacob Thompson. I believe I have previously mentioned him in this blog as my co-star in the 4th grade Christmas play. Coincidence that Big Brother selects a person so intrinsically tied to the apex of my tenure in elementary school? I think not.

2. Marty Whitmer. A guy I ran track with in high school. Our team won the state championship my senior year. Coincidence that Big Brother selects a person so intrinsically tied to the apex of my high school experience? I think not.

3. Brock Boyce. Coincidence that Big Brother selects a person so intrinsically tied to the apex of MY LIFE?!?!? I think not.

4. Elsie Pulupuna. My roommate for ten days this past semester during the National Model United Nations conference in NYC (which BYU won). It was by far the best week of my semester, and Elsie is, by far, the funniest girl I have ever met. Coincidence that Big Brother selects a person so intrinsically tied to the apex of this past semester? I think not.

5. Darby Laronde. Deseret Towers floormate during freshman year. S Hall. 6th floor. BYU 94th ward. The year I met Brock. My favorite year at BYU. Coincidence that Big Brother selects a person so intrinsically tied to the apex of my college experience? I think not.

Case #2: You are asked to select a reason for why you are deactivating your account. For each possible reason Big Brother gives you, there is a counter to that reason which pops up as soon as you select it. Desperate, much?

Case #3: Upon deactivation, Facebook immediately sends you an email with a reactivation link. Cheap shot, Big Brother. Cheap shot.

I'm half-expecting Mark Zuckerberg to show up outside my window one of these days blaring Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" from a boombox.