The Horror

I have been vacuum-less for OVER A MONTH.

It all started a few weeks ago when, suddenly, my vacuum turned off in mid-swipe. I thought it was an electrical problem, so I reset the house's fuses. Nothing. I cleaned out the filters from head to toe. Nothing. It looked like one particular filter was in need of replacing, so I sent Brock to Target to get a new one. He bought the wrong kind. I returned that one, and bought another. I bought the wrong kind. Finally, I ordered the requisite filter on Amazon and waited anxiously for days until it came in the mail.

The day the filter came, I ripped open the package excitedly like I would have if Santa had gotten me a Furby that one year. I bounded up the stairs, gingerly inserted the new filter, and pressed "power."

IT WORKED! . . . for three minutes.

Having exhausted all of my vacuum-repairing prowess, I took my beloved Bissell to the shop, where it has been for the last week and a half. My carpets have not been vacuumed in WEEKS and I am going crazy. Even though they don't look dirty (because I'm crazy Type-A and pick up any flecks visible to the naked eye), I just know they are. It feels like I've been living in Nemo's dirty fish tank.

My vacuum will be ready at 5PM today, at which point I will go home and vacuum EVERY SQUARE MICROMETER of my house in joyous rapture, and then steam clean to my heart's content.

And if it isn't ready at 5pm?

Heads. will. roll.