Nope, not Quasimodo. I don't have a hunchback, I don't hang out in bell towers, and I don't have gargoyle friends. I am Quasiwidow: the girl whose husband left to go work in CA for a month and left her behind to finish summer classes alone. A kind-of widow. A quasiwidow.

Brock and I met up for lunch at Sammy's (where else?) before he left today. We ordered our usual: pepperjack/provolone grilled cheese sandwiches with fry sauce and a banana cream pie shake to split. The meal was melancholy. I tried to make conversation, but my throat was tight. I was trying not to cry. Brock commented that our shake was like an hourglass sand timer: The more and more it ran out, the closer he got to leaving. My throat got tighter. 

The older I get, the more I realize how powerful the bond of marriage is. I have friends who say "Oh, well, we've been together since high school . . . so we might as well be married!" But marriage has nothing to do with how long you've been together. It has nothing to do with how intertwined your finances are or whether you live under the same roof. Marriage is about committing the rest of your life to another person's happiness. And it's about the beautiful, tender relationship that grows as a result. 

Most would-be husbands would have given up on me long ago, what with how much I've changed, my domineering personality, quickness to anger, etc. But, somehow, I married either the most patient person in the history of man or the world's biggest glutton for punishment. Or both.

He held me close as hot tears streamed down my cheeks and onto his shirt. He kissed me softly. For a fleeting moment, I felt better; I forgot that this was the moment I had been dreading for weeks.

I was still wiping away the tears as I came home from classes. The house was empty. No roommates to talk to, no family, no one. I saw a pink gerbera daisy on the counter.

Dear baby, the card read. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder . . . but I don't think that's true. Because there's no way I could love you any more than I do right now. Love, Me.

It's going to be a long month.


  1. This was the sweetest post ever. I may or may not have cried at that last line.

  2. Karen ArmstrongJuly 06, 2010

    I loved this. That is so true about marriage I am too so grateful I married as you said a glutton for punishment lol Kenny is so patient with me (and I think we're so a like it's funny! lol) We should really hang out sometime soon!!

  3. so true,, Its hard to be apart, reminded me of when todd moved to Sd a month before I could come and I had the 2 girls.. it was hard and miserable,but when you get him back it will be wonderful:)


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