I Don't Know Why I'm Posting This On The Internet

I am fully aware that picture I am about to post of myself will most definitely come back to haunt me when I'm running for the Senate in 2018. Consider yourselves warned: It's hilarious in the most repulsive way possible. In fact, it may cause your retinas to spontaneously combust. Or implode.

It's not news to anyone that I'm a master of self-deprecation. (I do it with the hopes that I can score back the points God will take away from me for being ridiculously prideful. Because seriously--I'm the shiz.) I really do think there is something wrong with me. Most girls in their early 20s are still suffering from the body-image and self-esteem issues that plagued their teenage years. I'm not. 

My self-esteem might be little too healthy in that I am not embarrassed by the following picture AT ALL. I really should be--once you see it, you'll agree--but it is just too funny not to share with the world. Plus, we've all been 12. I KNOW I am not the only one with disgusting pictures from my "transition years" (age 5-present).

I would, however, like to take a quick minute to write to my future constituents:

Dear Constituency, 

Some of the most influential actors in the Senate are those who know how to make and take a joke. It's a charismatic skill that serves a person well in the political arena. Few things are more difficult or, frankly, more annoying, than dealing with a person who takes himself too seriously. And no group is more guilty of that than politicians. 

You have met me at city halls, local schools, churches, and public parks. Others have seen me quoted in the newspaper, heard sound bites on the local news, or read all sorts of lovely things about me on the internet. I've talked about "the issues" incessantly for months. But now, as I write this, there is only one issue on my mind:

WHY
DIDN'T
MY
MOTHER
TELL
ME
TO
CLOSE
MY
LEGS.