On Empathy

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It always makes me squirm when people talk about how loving and nurturing women are. Not because of the gender stereotypes, but because it makes me feel out of place. I should be those things and I want to be those things, but they don't come naturally.

I watch how others are so engaged in the lives of loved ones and I start to feel bad about myself. My natural tendency is not to think "I love that person like crazy. I want to be involved in their life" but rather "That person knows I love them like crazy, I can be distant." Even watching people with their pets makes me feel callous. I can tell you with absolute certainty that my friend Sierra loves her HEDGEHOG more than I love my dog. And dogs are like, 1000x better than hedgehogs. I have never let Mojo lick my face. I get that it's a sign of affection. But it's nasty.

I'm a good listener and I try to be a good friend, but I one thing I've always struggled with is empathy. (Here's a great video that talks about the distinction between sympathy and empathy.) A few months ago I remember being home while Kiana (my little sister) was really sick. The flu or something? She couldn't stop throwing up. I walked in on her vomiting in the bathroom and froze. For a moment, I wasn't sure what to do. Should I leave her alone? That's what I would want. But I knew Kiana would want someone there. So I knelt down beside her and rubbed her back. I pulled her hair out of the way. At the time, it bothered me that I had to make a conscious decision to do these things. How did that not come naturally to me? Why did I have to think about it? 

In retrospect, I was too hard on myself. Not only did I identify with Kiana's situation, I thought of how she would want someone to react . . . and I did it. I moved beyond sympathy to empathy.

Brock has been sick this whole week, which is why I've been thinking more about how I show love for others. It's easy to show love for someone when they're sick or in need. That gives you something concrete to do--make soup! put on a pot of tea! etc. I'd like to get better at showing love when people don't need anything at all. (I believe that's the definition of charity.)

I want to call friends just to chat--even though I hate long phone calls. I want to do my visiting teaching--even though I hate small talk. I can be pretty selfish in my approach to relationships, and that needs to change. Hold me accountable,  yeah?

2 COMMENTS:

  1. Love the new blog update! It looks so great! And I never really knew the difference between empathy and sympathy. Thanks for getting me thinking.

    Also, I hate it when my dog licks my face, too. And I think it's so weird that a lot of people don't. I mean, we all know where they stick their faces sometimes.

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    Replies
    1. Haha glad I'm not the only one! And yeah, I LOVED that video. Definitely put a new perspective on things for me.

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